Looks can be deceiving..

a friend - one of the one i've known longest, just told me something, and it made me think. and i do really hope the statement is true to only that one friend, and not true between the others.

Friends.. i don't know why, but this is one of my often-thought-about topics. A lot of my friends, ive known for a long time. I am very aware of how i am with my friends - don't think i don't realize. Many might think of me as just, and this are the exact words, "partner(s) of fun", because of my happy go lucky, care-free, couldnt-care-less ways. I either jump around from person to person, from group to group, interrupting conversations and thoughts, or i might just sit down in a corner, all alone, thinking, brooding (seemingly). I might not "submit" myself to any one friend or friends, i might not share feelings and thoughts with anyone, and i might not share the same relationship that any one of u reading this might share with a special friend (im not talking about a romantic special someone). But i do hope that u know this - no matter how trivial u deem our friendship or relationship (however u wish to term it) to be, i am always here. And i am here not just to be a "partner of fun", but i'm here to be a friend.

U have no idea, how painful it is to me, that i don't have the close or best friend that most have (forgive myself, but i would like to point out that i do consider a lot to be especially good friends, and that does not under-rate them in any way to me). But then again, u also have no idea, how much it touches me, to know that some, at least, deem me worthy to tell what lies in their hearts and minds. It's not so much for myself, but i know how much it hurts, to keep something locked up inside u, being unable to release the feelings. That's what i'm here for. Despite my outward appearances or characteristics, i too, as i am sure a lot of others do, long for special ties and bonds. And it saddens me that some judge me without even knowing - as i know is the case. And the really tragic thing is, some of them have "known" me since before i truly understood the meaning of the word "friend".

It might be my misinterpretation, or a misunderstanding, or a miscommunication, but to me, the message is clear. Most consider me as a "partner of fun". But to me, and i hope this is clear, any and all friends are just that - friends. And i will treat friends as friends should be treated. Hopelessly immature, playful, annoying, that i may seem, i can only say.. Looks can be deceiving..